"now i sit around, with my head hangin' down, and i wonder, who's lovin' you"

i've alwaays had a problem expressing my feelings with words. well, at least with
my own words.

the first of my two "serious" girlfriends was always upset about this. it seems
i always used song lyrics to relate my feelings about what was amiss in our
relationship. it really pissed her off. (i'm sorry, sara.)

anyway. like i said. i've always had this problem. so many others have said the
things that i wish i could've said - and expressed the feeling so perfectly. it
does, however, make for some decent consolation out here in the middle of nowhere,
because i can just put in a cd or drop on an lp, and share in the pain of those
before me.

another thing i've always wanted to do, but have usually (ok, always) failed at, is keeping some sort of regular journal. i started one about this time last year, and thought i'd keep it up, and have a good record of what was going on in my life. well,
it's a year later, and i've used maybe six pages. what a feeble attempt. however, some of the best and worst times of the last year are recorded in those pages. the highlights, and the lowlights. of which there were both. some of the highest, and
by the same token, the lowest of my life thus far.

other than that. i've been ditched three times in as many weeks by a girl. tonight
was the worst instance. she's in town (ok. i don't live in a "town" - but she's
in the "area') and didn't come by.

which brings to mind another point. how can girls be so cool, but at the same time,
suck so much. a frustration that we will never release.